I will bless you with a future filled with hope—a future of success, not of suffering. You will turn back to me and ask for help, and I will answer your prayers.” ~ Jeremiah 29:11-12
I’ve never been very good about asking for help. Never.
If I wanted something that fit MY ideal or vision for my life, I boldly went ahead and did it. No questions asked.
After surviving some disastrous decisions and suffering some dire consequences during my adult years, I’ve attempted to be less bold during the past decade or so.
Sometimes — however — I still mess up.
Or maybe it isn’t a mess-up. Maybe it’s actually the next step I need to take to get where God wants me to be….
And God knows I love a good long winding hike through the wilderness.
Am I Geographically Challenged?
For the past year or so, I’ve been hiking in circles… or so it seems.
Several months ago, while searching online job postings for someone with limited internet access, I found a job for me.
It sounded like the perfect job. P-E-R-F-E-C-T. I thought about it for an entire twelve hours or so. I discussed it with my husband.
I also prayed to God. At least I thought I prayed to God.
Looking back, perhaps I merely told God what I planned to do and asked Him to bless it. I can’t say for sure that I actually asked Him IF I should do it.
Late that evening, I submitted my resume and cover letter. I received a phone call the next day for an interview.
So far, so good.
It was so obviously meant to be! Go me!!
I contacted a friend who is very familiar with both the nonprofit organization and my work in that area. She said she thought I’d be hired on the spot. I believed her. I went to the interview and left feeling almost smug.
Then the waiting began. The doubts set in.
For two months, I waited. I obsessed. I worried. I checked the organization’s Facebook page. I checked their website. I second-guessed my interview. I second-guessed myself. I made excuses for the organization’s silence.
Wishing You All the Best in Your Future Endeavors
This week I finally got my answer: “We want to wish you all the best in your future endeavors…”
Not only did the organization not hire ME, they didn’t hire anyone else. Nobody fit the bill.
Perhaps that should have made me feel better, but it didn’t. I surmised from the email that some candidates advanced to a committee interview, and I didn’t make that cut either.
The feelings of disappointment washed over me. I felt rejected. Every wound I’ve experienced during my life was reopened and oozed a little.
Then I thought about why I wanted the job in the first place. THAT job… after six years of staying home.
Remember when I said I called my friend who was familiar with the organization? I wanted her opinion about whether I was a good fit for that particular nonprofit. When she responded with her thoughts that I was overqualified, I decided that uneasy feeling in my gut was merely insecurity.
Now I think that “feeling” was God telling me He didn’t include that job in His life plan for me…. but if I wanted to pursue it in spite of Him, I could just wander in the wilderness for 40 days or so.
I’m embarrassed to admit this, but it’s true: The first thing that crossed my mind when I found out I didn’t get the job was that I wouldn’t be able to tell people I now worked for THAT nonprofit. After years in the trenches of ministry, I’d be fancy again.
Excuse me? What was I thinking? Where is God in that?
I spent a couple of days wallowing in my ego and self-pity. The closing words of the email echoed through my brain.
“We want to wish you all the best in your future endeavors…”
Then this morning TWO of my morning devotional readings included the Jeremiah 29:11-12 scripture.
“I will give you hope and a good future…”
Future vs. Perfect…
GOD’S FUTURE > MY PERFECT
I don’t think it matters that I’d also dreamed of all the good I could do with the salary from my “perfect” job. God was possibly shaking his head, saying “Woman! I didn’t gift you those specific skills so you could use them for YOUR glory. My plans for your future are so much different… and I’d tell you if you’d only ask for help.”
Seeking God’s Wisdom Daily for the Best of My Life
So that’s what this blog is about… Seeking God. Seeking His wisdom. Seeking His wisdom daily… for the best and rest of my life.
Has there been a time in your life where you believed you were doing God’s will, but you realized later that wasn’t true? Please share details… so I can know I’m not alone in this.